I feel as though I have always been "larger". Standing at nearly 5'11", I am the shortest (yeah, the SHORTEST) person in my immediate family. But that isn't the kind of larger I'm talking about. And hell, I love my height. I'm a glamazon, yo!
At the beginning of 2012, I looked down at the scale I was standing on, and was absolutely shocked at the weight I had let myself get to. It was the heaviest weight (known to me) that I had ever been. A switch flipped in my head, and I told myself I would never be that weight again. So far I have succeeded with that goal, but I'm still not happy.
Over the course of the first 6-7 months of 2012, I lost 30 lbs. Then I just stopped being as motivated. Maybe it was partly personal issues, laziness...I don't know. I felt like life got in the way and I was just less motivated to do anything about anything. Over time I slowly gained back 10 of the 30 lbs I lost. No, that isn't that bad, when you look at the big picture, but it wasn't making me happy to be regressing.
Over the last few months, I've started and stopped going to the gym "regularly" numerous times. There was that week I didn't go because I was sick. Fair enough. Then there was that week that I wasn't sleeping properly. Okay, I can see how one might have low energy. Then there was that week where my body was just not having it because of "girl" reasons. Excuse after excuse, rationale after rationale, it seemed like so many things were getting in my way.
So I looked at it honestly, trying to figure out just what was keeping me away from the gym, and I'm still a bit stuck. This is where having a blog and friends who read it can help.
Issue No. 1
I WANT TO BE A MORNING PERSON!!! I wish I was, really I do. The other issues I will list below would be NULL AND VOID if only I could be a morning person. Then I could wake up every day at 5:30 am, go to the gym, have an awesome workout, go home, shower, and have an awesome day. I've done it before, and it is awesome. I love it! But doing it regularly and continuously just ain't happening. All I want to do is stay in bed until I absolutely have to get up. I have tried twice already this week to get up in the morning to get in my workout before work, and have failed twice. It is actually my preference to workout in the morning because that is when the gym is practically empty, and the members that ARE there have complete respect for one another. Such a different story when I go to the gym in the evening. Is there some sort of gym code I'm missing with respect to what sort of people attend later in the day?
Issue No. 2
I love music. And I cannot let myself put up any boundaries with respect to creating, writing, inventing, singing, thinking, living and breathing music. I actually do "research" when I'm at the gym. I'm currently learning about electronic music, specifically trance, which is my go to music to crank when I'm working out. So I listen to my favourite tracks, new ones, etc. and listen for the transitions, ideas, structure, everything. But when I get home from the gym in the evening, I'm tired, and I don't feel like sitting in front of my computer. And when I do feel like it, I get home late enough that "just 15 minutes" of reviewing something will turn into a couple hours or longer, and then I'm in bed too late to function properly at my job the next day. So now you can see how being a morning person would make this issue null and void. If I got my workout done in the morning, I'd be free right after work to create. And if I scheduled it properly, I'd be in bed in time for my morning workout the next day. And as an aside, you should hear what I'm doing...it is kick ass!! I can't wait to get it on SoundCloud for your listening pleasure!
Issue No. 3
The people at my gym really irk me. And its not just the gym I go to, its what I have encountered no matter where I have gone. Not the people in the morning (are you seeing the trend yet?), but the people I encounter on a regular basis in the evening. The ones who stare when they see me climbing the stairs up to the workout level. The ones who sit RIGHT in front of where I am working out, invading my personal workout space, and gossip loudly with their friends (because there are usually 2-3 of these, and its not just women - guys do it too) while they pretend to stretch and give me dirty looks as if I'm in THEIR way. The ones who are taking up precious workout space with their half-assed version of a workout while they constantly check their Facebook and text in-between reps. No, not SETS, REPS. As in 1, 2, 3, text, check Facebook, 4, 5, text, 6...text...text...text...check Facebook...realize they are in the middle of a set and quickly squeeze out a few more. Frack!!! So if I were a morning person, I wouldn't encounter these people. Most of the time I can shut them out pretty well, but on those days where I'm a little more sensitive than usual, their stares/comments/annoyances can get right in my head and distract me from my workout.
Issue No. 4
I love working out by myself. Unless it is a yoga class (and even then I love pulling out my Yoga Studio app on my iPad and just doing yoga by myself at home), I don't like going to the gym with friends. I don't want to chat when I workout. I want to get my sweat on, and work harder than I did the day before, which means I won't have the ability to speak with you. And I don't want to go for dinner or drinks afterwards because I'm as red as a beet, and want to just go home and eat my salad, please and thank you. The gym and working out are not social things for me. Its business. This may not seem like such a big deal, but I have a few friends who suggest we go to the gym together to work out. Then when we get there, they don't seem as into working out as they did before, or they are embarrassed to be seen with me, or they don't think I'm working hard enough so they reach over and turn the machine I am currently on up 5 levels, or... who knows. I don't do buddy systems at the gym. And yes, I can say no. I've said no many times before. Except you say no enough times, people stop asking all together and disappear. I know, we all have our own stuff going on, but don't get insulted just because I don't want to go to the gym with you. If you get insulted, it makes me feel bad. If I feel bad, I will emotionally eat. If I emotionally eat, I will feel bad. And emotionally eat. I love my friends. And I want to hang out with you. Just not at the gym.
Issue No. 5
I don't do lunch time workouts (unless its yoga). I only get 1 hour for lunch, and that is not enough time for a workout (the way I workout, which is about 45 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes) and a shower. I don't want to be sitting at my desk red as a beet and sweaty in my work clothes. Nope. Not gonna happen. And my job isn't as predictable as you'd think it is. Its funny how I can start each day with a list of what I want to accomplish, and then things just happen, and half my list gets pushed to the next day. But that is litigation, and its partly why I love it. So no, I will not be working out at lunch unless it is yoga.
The bottom line is this - I know exactly what I need to do to make my workouts at the gym more successful, but I am finding it very difficult to get there. I need help. Anyone who is reading this who has any suggestions on how I can be better at being a morning person and getting morning workouts into my schedule, please suggest away. I'm only looking at 3 days a week right now, just to get some sort of a routine going. I'll worry about making it 6 days a week later, once I've got 3 days a week under my skin and into my heart.
My Next Challenge
My unhappiness with where my body is at isn't just because of how often I exercise. My diet needs to change as well. For the most part, I eat fairly well. It is my emotional eating that causes me to fail to the point of sending myself into a downward spiral. Often.
So here is my challenge for May:
1. I am not going to let my binge foods into the house. There are already none of them in here at the moment, and we are 20 minutes away from May 1st, y'all!
2. During those moments where I feel the need to run down to the shop around the corner to pick up SOMETHING, I will stop, breathe, and figure out what is really going on. Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Or am I feeling something and trying to bury it in fat and food instead of properly deal with it?
3. I am going to write these feelings down. Writing is very cathartic, and can often serve in me helping myself. And if I can't help myself, I have it written down for the next time I reach out to a professional to help me.
4. If I am out with friends, I will make the healthiest choice possible when it comes to the food I order (if at all, hopefully I'll eat at home beforehand), so that the "junk food seal" isn't broken.
I'm already feeling great about May. Lets see if I can start to get to the root of some of the issues that keep cropping up over and over again.
Onwards and upwards!
E.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Juicing
In December of last year, I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" on Netflix. I loved it! The fact that Joe Cross decided to take his health completely into his own hands was ... well amazing, to say the least. And ballsy. He juiced for 60 days straight. At the time, it got me into one of those "I can totally do that!" moods. So I went out and bought a juicer. I got a Breville, and it was on sale, so why the heck not. And then it sat in the corner of my apartment for about 3 months before I decided to finally use it. I had other concerns and other projects on the go, so I was perfectly content waiting until I could really concentrate on juicing, and do it properly.
So yesterday, February 21, 2014, I started a juice cleanse. The night before, I shopped for all the groceries I would need for the first couple days, knowing that my next chance to do some grocery shopping would be sometime today. On Friday morning, I got up early, showered, made myself a hot water (instead of a coffee), put on my make up, made myself another hot water, and got to juicing. I had to work that day, so I only made my breakfast juice, and made sure I brought my coconut water with me for my mid-morning snack. I had the "Sunrise", which consists of 4 carrots, 2 oranges and 1 beet. It was awesome! I loved it. And I didn't chug it, I drank it over probably 1-2 hours while working (and watching Canada beat the US in Olympic hockey). Then around 11 am, I had my coconut water for my mid-morning snack. By noon, I was starving. I kept trying to work through it, and get myself to 1 pm, but at 12:45 I said f*** this, I'm going home for lunch NOW.
When I got home, I got to juicing. I was starving. The juice couldn't come fast enough. For lunch I had "Green Lemonade", which is made of kale, cucumber, celery, spinach, green apple and lemon. It was delicious! While I sipped on my lunch, I made the juice for my afternoon snack, which was "Watermelon Crush". In it, I put watermelon, lime and basil. Did you know that it is difficult to peel a lemon, and extremely difficult to peel a lime? Especially when you're starving, and you just want to get the juice in your mouth NOW!
Off I went back to work with my two bottles of juice in tow. I basically had them one after the other, because I didn't chug my lunch. I drank it over about an hour, and then it was time for my snack. I sipped that too.
Then I had an appointment after work, and came home to make dinner. Dinner was "Joe's Mean Green" (pictured below), which is a lot like the Green Lemonade, except it contains less lemon and more ginger. The flavour of this one wasn't as great as the juices I had earlier in the day. After dinner, which I really had to choke down, I made my dessert juice, omitting the kale. I was kaled-out. I had had 3 drinks with kale it in already, I couldn't handle another. So instead of kale, I just doubled the watermelon. It was decent...not great. At the same time I had my dessert juice, I also drank an herbal tea, which is what was supposed to be saved for bed time. But I was nearly done for the day.
After I choked down what I could of the dessert juice, I couldn't help myself and had 1 small piece of dark chocolate. I know, not on the cleanse menu, but it was 1 square. Then I finished my herbal tea and headed to bed. It wasn't even 10:30 pm, but I was done.
At about 6:30 am, I was awoken by what felt like someone throwing a pillow at me. Obviously, no one did, it just felt like it - you know, your body just wakes you up all at once. I was miserable. I had a migraine, so I got up and drank a glass of water, hoping it would curb it. No. Fifteen minutes later it was worse, so I got up, ate a breakfast bar, and took an Advil (because you can't take those on an empty stomach - its useless and definitely not good for you). Then I made myself my "homemade hangover cure" (its really just homemade electrolyte juice - a couple shakes of salt, 1/3 of the glass of your favourite juice (mine is cranberry) and fill the rest up with water), took a few sips and went back to bed to rid myself of the migraine. And it worked! Yeah, I was dehydrated. I mean...no wonder. I was drinking juice and water all day the day before, and visiting the little girls room frequently, so I was dehydrated. After a nice couple more hours in bed, I got up and decided no more juicing. At least no more meal-replacement juicing.
I love the fact that I can get a day's worth of vegetable and fruit servings in 1-2 juices (2 if you want to be really well rounded and get every colour of the rainbow), so I won't stop juicing all together. But I'll just add it to an already fairly healthy meal plan. And I found a brand of coconut water that I can stomach. I love having coconut water after a workout, while I make breakfast or dinner.
I am a bit disappointed that I didn't at LEAST go three days, but I am not going to harm myself for something. And as we all know, things are best in moderation. However, I give kudos to those I know (and those I don't) who are able to stick with it for more than 1 day. As long as it works for you, do it.
Onwards and upwards!
So yesterday, February 21, 2014, I started a juice cleanse. The night before, I shopped for all the groceries I would need for the first couple days, knowing that my next chance to do some grocery shopping would be sometime today. On Friday morning, I got up early, showered, made myself a hot water (instead of a coffee), put on my make up, made myself another hot water, and got to juicing. I had to work that day, so I only made my breakfast juice, and made sure I brought my coconut water with me for my mid-morning snack. I had the "Sunrise", which consists of 4 carrots, 2 oranges and 1 beet. It was awesome! I loved it. And I didn't chug it, I drank it over probably 1-2 hours while working (and watching Canada beat the US in Olympic hockey). Then around 11 am, I had my coconut water for my mid-morning snack. By noon, I was starving. I kept trying to work through it, and get myself to 1 pm, but at 12:45 I said f*** this, I'm going home for lunch NOW.
When I got home, I got to juicing. I was starving. The juice couldn't come fast enough. For lunch I had "Green Lemonade", which is made of kale, cucumber, celery, spinach, green apple and lemon. It was delicious! While I sipped on my lunch, I made the juice for my afternoon snack, which was "Watermelon Crush". In it, I put watermelon, lime and basil. Did you know that it is difficult to peel a lemon, and extremely difficult to peel a lime? Especially when you're starving, and you just want to get the juice in your mouth NOW!
Off I went back to work with my two bottles of juice in tow. I basically had them one after the other, because I didn't chug my lunch. I drank it over about an hour, and then it was time for my snack. I sipped that too.
Then I had an appointment after work, and came home to make dinner. Dinner was "Joe's Mean Green" (pictured below), which is a lot like the Green Lemonade, except it contains less lemon and more ginger. The flavour of this one wasn't as great as the juices I had earlier in the day. After dinner, which I really had to choke down, I made my dessert juice, omitting the kale. I was kaled-out. I had had 3 drinks with kale it in already, I couldn't handle another. So instead of kale, I just doubled the watermelon. It was decent...not great. At the same time I had my dessert juice, I also drank an herbal tea, which is what was supposed to be saved for bed time. But I was nearly done for the day.
After I choked down what I could of the dessert juice, I couldn't help myself and had 1 small piece of dark chocolate. I know, not on the cleanse menu, but it was 1 square. Then I finished my herbal tea and headed to bed. It wasn't even 10:30 pm, but I was done.
At about 6:30 am, I was awoken by what felt like someone throwing a pillow at me. Obviously, no one did, it just felt like it - you know, your body just wakes you up all at once. I was miserable. I had a migraine, so I got up and drank a glass of water, hoping it would curb it. No. Fifteen minutes later it was worse, so I got up, ate a breakfast bar, and took an Advil (because you can't take those on an empty stomach - its useless and definitely not good for you). Then I made myself my "homemade hangover cure" (its really just homemade electrolyte juice - a couple shakes of salt, 1/3 of the glass of your favourite juice (mine is cranberry) and fill the rest up with water), took a few sips and went back to bed to rid myself of the migraine. And it worked! Yeah, I was dehydrated. I mean...no wonder. I was drinking juice and water all day the day before, and visiting the little girls room frequently, so I was dehydrated. After a nice couple more hours in bed, I got up and decided no more juicing. At least no more meal-replacement juicing.
I love the fact that I can get a day's worth of vegetable and fruit servings in 1-2 juices (2 if you want to be really well rounded and get every colour of the rainbow), so I won't stop juicing all together. But I'll just add it to an already fairly healthy meal plan. And I found a brand of coconut water that I can stomach. I love having coconut water after a workout, while I make breakfast or dinner.
I am a bit disappointed that I didn't at LEAST go three days, but I am not going to harm myself for something. And as we all know, things are best in moderation. However, I give kudos to those I know (and those I don't) who are able to stick with it for more than 1 day. As long as it works for you, do it.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Yoga
Throughout my years of doing yoga on and off, I have asked myself countless times if I am either a) too fat to do yoga and/or b) too tall/long to do yoga. I'm not being self-deprecating at all; I'm completely serious. When I do a forward fold (seated or standing), my stomach feels like it is in the way, and I can't stretch as far as my body feels like it could go. And when I'm in runners lunge, it is hella awkward to keep my hands on the ground in front of me while moving my forward leg back to plank because my knee is already above my elbow and just below my chin. These are actual concerns!
I recently re-started doing yoga in the comfort of my own home (because this princess would rather stay warm at home than brave the "cold" for the 3 minute walk to the gym) with a great app that I got for free from Starbucks. It is called Yoga Studio, and it has 15 minute, 30 minute and 60 minute classes for download. There are 3 levels (Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced) and each level has 5 categories: Relaxation, Flexibility, Strength, Balance and Combination.
I started by trying a 15 minute Beginner Relaxation class before bed one Sunday evening and I felt so relaxed afterwards. The next night, I tried a 30 minute Beginner Combination. This was a bit more the pace I was looking for to feel like I've had a lazy workout. The next morning I tried a 60 minute Beginner Combination class, and I had found something that was beginner enough so I wouldn't feel intimidated by most of the poses and challenging enough to let me really focus on areas that I wanted to improve on.
So far, I've done this class 4 times. After the 3rd time I was feeling pretty confident, so I downloaded a 30 minute Intermediate Combination Class. I completed it, but just barely. So I did the 60 minute Beginner Combination Class again and saw a huge difference from the first time I tried it. I was making some progress!
And all because of a little discipline and repetition. Unfathomable... ;0) My stomach isn't going to disappear overnight, so my forward folds still feel chunky; however I've smoothly transitioned from runners lunge to plank without feeling like I'm going to knock myself over with a knee to the elbow or chin.
Here is me doing beginner King of Dancer (Natarajasana I).
As my boss likes to say, onwards and upwards!
I recently re-started doing yoga in the comfort of my own home (because this princess would rather stay warm at home than brave the "cold" for the 3 minute walk to the gym) with a great app that I got for free from Starbucks. It is called Yoga Studio, and it has 15 minute, 30 minute and 60 minute classes for download. There are 3 levels (Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced) and each level has 5 categories: Relaxation, Flexibility, Strength, Balance and Combination.
I started by trying a 15 minute Beginner Relaxation class before bed one Sunday evening and I felt so relaxed afterwards. The next night, I tried a 30 minute Beginner Combination. This was a bit more the pace I was looking for to feel like I've had a lazy workout. The next morning I tried a 60 minute Beginner Combination class, and I had found something that was beginner enough so I wouldn't feel intimidated by most of the poses and challenging enough to let me really focus on areas that I wanted to improve on.
So far, I've done this class 4 times. After the 3rd time I was feeling pretty confident, so I downloaded a 30 minute Intermediate Combination Class. I completed it, but just barely. So I did the 60 minute Beginner Combination Class again and saw a huge difference from the first time I tried it. I was making some progress!
And all because of a little discipline and repetition. Unfathomable... ;0) My stomach isn't going to disappear overnight, so my forward folds still feel chunky; however I've smoothly transitioned from runners lunge to plank without feeling like I'm going to knock myself over with a knee to the elbow or chin.
Here is me doing beginner King of Dancer (Natarajasana I).
As my boss likes to say, onwards and upwards!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Me Again!
I managed not to post a darn thing in 2013. That's something, right? Right?! No? *sigh* Fine. I'm taking my ball and I'm going home.
My ramblings are far too often trapped in my head with no way out, except to write it here. So why don't I? I guess life gets in the way? Work is busy, I'm trying to work out either before work (my preference, even though I am SOOOOOO not a morning person) or after, I have 3 projects on the go - so much stuff!
I've been reading some of my older posts, and wow...I am really all over the place. Not in a bad way at all. I'm just stating an observation.
A friend of mine didn't quite chastise me for not keeping up with my blog (and he is a new-er friend, so who knows if he is even reading this - I dare you to leave a comment if you are...) by saying "Well, if you really wanted to, you would. Just saying." I responded with "I know, I just don't know if I'm writing anything interesting that people actually want to read."
He replied by reminding me that its my blog, not anyone else's, so why should I care about whether anyone is reading it? I get it. But at the same time it is a form of communication so I do care a bit if people are reading it. Do I want a pat on the back, or a gold star? Maybe a little. But the main point is I want to be understood.
I don't feel like I've ever been truly understood by most people - I won't say all. Or, maybe if they did understand me, or "get" me, they didn't do something that I recognized as their understanding me or my actions. Ya feel me?
:0)
My ramblings are far too often trapped in my head with no way out, except to write it here. So why don't I? I guess life gets in the way? Work is busy, I'm trying to work out either before work (my preference, even though I am SOOOOOO not a morning person) or after, I have 3 projects on the go - so much stuff!
I've been reading some of my older posts, and wow...I am really all over the place. Not in a bad way at all. I'm just stating an observation.
A friend of mine didn't quite chastise me for not keeping up with my blog (and he is a new-er friend, so who knows if he is even reading this - I dare you to leave a comment if you are...) by saying "Well, if you really wanted to, you would. Just saying." I responded with "I know, I just don't know if I'm writing anything interesting that people actually want to read."
He replied by reminding me that its my blog, not anyone else's, so why should I care about whether anyone is reading it? I get it. But at the same time it is a form of communication so I do care a bit if people are reading it. Do I want a pat on the back, or a gold star? Maybe a little. But the main point is I want to be understood.
I don't feel like I've ever been truly understood by most people - I won't say all. Or, maybe if they did understand me, or "get" me, they didn't do something that I recognized as their understanding me or my actions. Ya feel me?
:0)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
2012 In Review
Well, here we are at the end of another year, and it hasn't been what I expected at all. I started the year extremely determined in one aspect, and got blind-sided in another.
January 2012
On January 2, 2012, I went to the gym, got on the scale, and nearly shit my pants. I weighed 301.5 lbs. Yup...this is the first time I'm going public with my actual weight. I saw that number, and I couldn't believe what I had done to myself. How did I get that far gone? And how was I going to turn that around? I went home, turned my computer on, and signed up for Weight Watchers Online. I was going to get the first three months free, so what did I have to lose? Well...pounds. That is what I had to lose. And I certainly didn't mind losing those. I had heard that the program changed since the last time I tried it: most vegetables and fruits were now zero points, which I thought was ridiculously wonderful. The part I hated the most about the old program was literally having a cookie and an apple before me and trying to decide which I wanted more - both were two points, but I felt as though I would get more emotional satisfaction from the cookie. With most fruits and vegetables being zero points, the new Weight Watchers program is promoting a healthier way of looking at food. Eat all the fruits and vegetables you want! It took a bit to incorporate those more into my lifestyle, as I was always eating on the go and not taking the time to properly prepare my food. But stopping and really looking at the nutritional information, and making more informed choices about what I put in my body is what I needed to do. I came to the realization quickly that my former personal trainer, Nick, was right. Dinner could be a salad and a chicken breast, and I would be full. I remember whining to him that I knew it wouldn't satisfy me and that I would be hungry. Yah, well, I'm eating a huge slice of humble pie now. Nick, hopefully you are reading this. You were right. And you were awesome at your job. And I miss sparring with you.
So how has the year on Weight Watchers turned out? Well, I'm human. There are ups and downs. The most I have lost is 35 lbs so far, but I have gained a bit of it back. Not much, only about 6 or 7 lbs. And I am not going to make myself feel bad about the ups and downs anymore. Weight fluctuates, and I am no where near being finished with this journey. It is going to take more time for me to eventually reach my ideal weight, and I am more than willing and ready to continue with that goal. I am also dealing with my relationship with food. I am SO an emotional eater, including boredom, and I need to really get to the root of that. That is what 2013 is for.
February 2012
This was the start of why 2012 was not what I expected it to be. I was in a long term relationship, happy, and looking forward to the plans him and I were making. I knew he had a trip coming up (we had started talking about it in December 2011), but I really didn't know (or maybe wasn't reading the signs clearly) that it would turn out the way it did. I understood that he had family obligations in Bangladesh. I also explained to him that I had been involved in a long distance relationship before, and had also seen other friends go through long distance relationships, and it really wasn't something I felt I was strong enough to do. I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship again. It started out that it would only be about a month, 2 max, that he would have to travel abroad, and I was okay with that length of time. A week before he left, it changed, and it was going to be 3 months max that he would be gone. When you look at the grand scheme of things, 3 months is really just a drop in the hat of life, so I was okay with that length of time too. On February 10, 2012, Russel flew to Bangladesh. The first week he was gone, I just kept telling myself, "Three months, its only three months." A couple weeks after he landed, he told me that he would probably be over there for 4 months.
And the story just kept changing. Well, after he was finished his 4 months in Bangladesh, he told me that he would have to go somewhere else in order to see his family. And then he would come back to Vancouver. Three months passed, and he still wasn't even close to being done in Bangladesh. In fact, he is still there now, and it has been nearly 11 months. The relationship had to end at some point, and I actually surprised myself at how patient I was with what felt like lies that he was feeding me. But we'll get to that later.
March - April 2012
These were fairly uneventful months. I still missed Russel, and I was still trying to be patient. But I was busy with work, and with after work projects, such as the in-house band, All Hell Breaking Loose. We prepared for and pulled off an awesome gig in April at District 319 for the Law Firm Alliance. It was fun, I felt like a total rock-star, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it!
My family also had a party for my grandmother's 90th birthday. Ninety years old, is my grandmother!! Can you believe it? If you are on my Facebook, then you saw her in the picture from Christmas Day. She doesn't look her age at all!! I cannot wait to be as gorgeous as she is at that age. :-) And as full of life!
May 2012
I went to Calgary for the May long weekend to see my two good friends, Mel and Jared. Out of that trip came one of THE funniest moments (to me) of the year:
*I'm sitting on the couch, putting my make up on, and Jared is antsy to get out the door*
Jared: Why are you making duck face to yourself in the mirror?
Mel: Its not duck face, that is mascara face.
True fact. We, as girls, make the weirdest faces at ourselves when we are putting on our mascara. And we can't help it, our face just naturally does it.
June - July 2012
I went to Europe!!! And it was awesome! I got to see my best friend Tiana, and meet all the people that are in her life! As much as I miss her being here, it made me feel better knowing she was surrounded by great friends out there too. And with technology today, we can Skype and FaceTime, and WhatsApp, etc.
SO!! On June 29th, I flew to London, landing midday on June 30th. Tiana met me at Heathrow, and we took the train back to Camden, where she lives. Instead of napping, I just had a quick shower and got changed so we could go have a couple drinks and eat some dinner. After dinner we went back to her flat and packed, because we were heading to Portugal in the morning. Oh wow, these cheap flights from city to city in Europe are great, except for the fact that you need to be REALLY choosy about what you can bring. We checked one bag and then carried on the rest. I had no leg room, and no assigned seating, so thankfully I found an aisle seat so I could stretch my left leg out. And even then it was intermittent because the flight attendants were going up and down the aisles constantly. Thankfully it was just a short flight.
From the 1st to the 5th of July, we were in Albufeira, which is a coastal town in The Algarve. It was beautiful. We beached, shopped, toured, drank (a lot), and just enjoyed spending vacation time with each other in a gorgeous setting. I would definitely go again, but next time I think I would like to see Lisbon.
So we flew back to London, had a dinner at a risque club on the 6th, and then spent July 7th and 8th at the Hyde Park Wireless Music Fest. The line up of artists was awesome, and the bit of rain we had didn't get us down. We just had fun! Then on the 9th, I did a bit of touring on my own, and flew back home on July 10th. Definitely one of the highlights of my year was travelling to Europe, and I am looking forward to exploring more parts of Europe in the future!
August 2012
Well, the sobering part of my trip was that I really got to get out of my comfort zone, which helps me focus on what is and what isn't working in my life. And my relationship with Russel just wasn't working long distance. So on August 1st, I sat down at my computer and wrote him an email explaining why I wasn't happy in the relationship, and that I wasn't strong enough to continue in a long distance relationship because I wasn't getting what I needed from him, nor was I in any emotional, mental or physical capacity to be able to give him what he needed.
September - December 2012
The months following my break up were mostly filled with whatever I could find to distract me. I was trying to go to the gym more, getting a whole lot more social with my friends, and just letting myself be who I was in the moment.
Part of these distractions was a trip to Mexico with my other best friend, Chris. We went down to Puerto Vallarta from October 27th to November 3rd, and had a(nother) real vacation. Both of us had been to that particular resort before, so we were able to really let loose. Pool side / beach side during the day, and whatever we could find that was fun at night. And we got to be there for the day of the dead which was interesting. It was a bit unfortunate that they have sort of changed some things to go with tourism, and celebrate Halloween the North American way, but not so much that the part of their customs was not completely lost in everything.
At the end of November, I started to work on physically getting rid of my relationship - you see, Russel and I had been living together since October 2011, and his stuff that he hadn't taken with him to Bangladesh was still overcrowding my apartment. My mom came over and we separated, sorted and packed. When all was said and done, I had a corner in my living room with stacked boxes of his left over belongings. And it sat there for two weeks while I adjusted to having more of my space back. Then on December 9th, the day after my 32nd birthday, I got a car and made two trips to a storage locker downtown. Only one thing of his remains in this apartment, and it will be the last thing I add to the locker when I get the chance.
But this is when it really hit. The moment I closed my apartment door behind me, after physically moving everything of his off site, by myself, I completely lost it. I had the realization that the relationship was really over. It was done. There was no going back after this. Part of me felt some freedom from this, and part of me felt like I had failed, yet again.
Overall, 2012 was a great year - these were just the high(low)lights. I reconnected with people from my past, and became closer with them, and I made more friends as I got to know more people at work. I appreciate everyone in my life, and I am truly grateful for having such a great support system around me. And I am also truly grateful for being part of others' support systems.
What does 2013 hold for me? Well, as I have stated in previous posts, I'm not one for new years resolutions. I like setting tangible goals, whether it be at the end of a calendar year, the end of a fiscal year, or just at random during the year. I would like to continue working on my emotional, mental and physical health and well being. And I would like to continue moving forward, and not lapsing into old habits. When I am ready to make some more tangible goals, I will. And you will hear about it.
So in the words of one of my favourite Scots, Rabbie Burns:
Happy New Year to you all.
January 2012
On January 2, 2012, I went to the gym, got on the scale, and nearly shit my pants. I weighed 301.5 lbs. Yup...this is the first time I'm going public with my actual weight. I saw that number, and I couldn't believe what I had done to myself. How did I get that far gone? And how was I going to turn that around? I went home, turned my computer on, and signed up for Weight Watchers Online. I was going to get the first three months free, so what did I have to lose? Well...pounds. That is what I had to lose. And I certainly didn't mind losing those. I had heard that the program changed since the last time I tried it: most vegetables and fruits were now zero points, which I thought was ridiculously wonderful. The part I hated the most about the old program was literally having a cookie and an apple before me and trying to decide which I wanted more - both were two points, but I felt as though I would get more emotional satisfaction from the cookie. With most fruits and vegetables being zero points, the new Weight Watchers program is promoting a healthier way of looking at food. Eat all the fruits and vegetables you want! It took a bit to incorporate those more into my lifestyle, as I was always eating on the go and not taking the time to properly prepare my food. But stopping and really looking at the nutritional information, and making more informed choices about what I put in my body is what I needed to do. I came to the realization quickly that my former personal trainer, Nick, was right. Dinner could be a salad and a chicken breast, and I would be full. I remember whining to him that I knew it wouldn't satisfy me and that I would be hungry. Yah, well, I'm eating a huge slice of humble pie now. Nick, hopefully you are reading this. You were right. And you were awesome at your job. And I miss sparring with you.
So how has the year on Weight Watchers turned out? Well, I'm human. There are ups and downs. The most I have lost is 35 lbs so far, but I have gained a bit of it back. Not much, only about 6 or 7 lbs. And I am not going to make myself feel bad about the ups and downs anymore. Weight fluctuates, and I am no where near being finished with this journey. It is going to take more time for me to eventually reach my ideal weight, and I am more than willing and ready to continue with that goal. I am also dealing with my relationship with food. I am SO an emotional eater, including boredom, and I need to really get to the root of that. That is what 2013 is for.
February 2012
This was the start of why 2012 was not what I expected it to be. I was in a long term relationship, happy, and looking forward to the plans him and I were making. I knew he had a trip coming up (we had started talking about it in December 2011), but I really didn't know (or maybe wasn't reading the signs clearly) that it would turn out the way it did. I understood that he had family obligations in Bangladesh. I also explained to him that I had been involved in a long distance relationship before, and had also seen other friends go through long distance relationships, and it really wasn't something I felt I was strong enough to do. I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship again. It started out that it would only be about a month, 2 max, that he would have to travel abroad, and I was okay with that length of time. A week before he left, it changed, and it was going to be 3 months max that he would be gone. When you look at the grand scheme of things, 3 months is really just a drop in the hat of life, so I was okay with that length of time too. On February 10, 2012, Russel flew to Bangladesh. The first week he was gone, I just kept telling myself, "Three months, its only three months." A couple weeks after he landed, he told me that he would probably be over there for 4 months.
And the story just kept changing. Well, after he was finished his 4 months in Bangladesh, he told me that he would have to go somewhere else in order to see his family. And then he would come back to Vancouver. Three months passed, and he still wasn't even close to being done in Bangladesh. In fact, he is still there now, and it has been nearly 11 months. The relationship had to end at some point, and I actually surprised myself at how patient I was with what felt like lies that he was feeding me. But we'll get to that later.
March - April 2012
These were fairly uneventful months. I still missed Russel, and I was still trying to be patient. But I was busy with work, and with after work projects, such as the in-house band, All Hell Breaking Loose. We prepared for and pulled off an awesome gig in April at District 319 for the Law Firm Alliance. It was fun, I felt like a total rock-star, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it!
My family also had a party for my grandmother's 90th birthday. Ninety years old, is my grandmother!! Can you believe it? If you are on my Facebook, then you saw her in the picture from Christmas Day. She doesn't look her age at all!! I cannot wait to be as gorgeous as she is at that age. :-) And as full of life!
May 2012
I went to Calgary for the May long weekend to see my two good friends, Mel and Jared. Out of that trip came one of THE funniest moments (to me) of the year:
*I'm sitting on the couch, putting my make up on, and Jared is antsy to get out the door*
Jared: Why are you making duck face to yourself in the mirror?
Mel: Its not duck face, that is mascara face.
True fact. We, as girls, make the weirdest faces at ourselves when we are putting on our mascara. And we can't help it, our face just naturally does it.
June - July 2012
I went to Europe!!! And it was awesome! I got to see my best friend Tiana, and meet all the people that are in her life! As much as I miss her being here, it made me feel better knowing she was surrounded by great friends out there too. And with technology today, we can Skype and FaceTime, and WhatsApp, etc.
SO!! On June 29th, I flew to London, landing midday on June 30th. Tiana met me at Heathrow, and we took the train back to Camden, where she lives. Instead of napping, I just had a quick shower and got changed so we could go have a couple drinks and eat some dinner. After dinner we went back to her flat and packed, because we were heading to Portugal in the morning. Oh wow, these cheap flights from city to city in Europe are great, except for the fact that you need to be REALLY choosy about what you can bring. We checked one bag and then carried on the rest. I had no leg room, and no assigned seating, so thankfully I found an aisle seat so I could stretch my left leg out. And even then it was intermittent because the flight attendants were going up and down the aisles constantly. Thankfully it was just a short flight.
From the 1st to the 5th of July, we were in Albufeira, which is a coastal town in The Algarve. It was beautiful. We beached, shopped, toured, drank (a lot), and just enjoyed spending vacation time with each other in a gorgeous setting. I would definitely go again, but next time I think I would like to see Lisbon.
So we flew back to London, had a dinner at a risque club on the 6th, and then spent July 7th and 8th at the Hyde Park Wireless Music Fest. The line up of artists was awesome, and the bit of rain we had didn't get us down. We just had fun! Then on the 9th, I did a bit of touring on my own, and flew back home on July 10th. Definitely one of the highlights of my year was travelling to Europe, and I am looking forward to exploring more parts of Europe in the future!
August 2012
Well, the sobering part of my trip was that I really got to get out of my comfort zone, which helps me focus on what is and what isn't working in my life. And my relationship with Russel just wasn't working long distance. So on August 1st, I sat down at my computer and wrote him an email explaining why I wasn't happy in the relationship, and that I wasn't strong enough to continue in a long distance relationship because I wasn't getting what I needed from him, nor was I in any emotional, mental or physical capacity to be able to give him what he needed.
September - December 2012
The months following my break up were mostly filled with whatever I could find to distract me. I was trying to go to the gym more, getting a whole lot more social with my friends, and just letting myself be who I was in the moment.
Part of these distractions was a trip to Mexico with my other best friend, Chris. We went down to Puerto Vallarta from October 27th to November 3rd, and had a(nother) real vacation. Both of us had been to that particular resort before, so we were able to really let loose. Pool side / beach side during the day, and whatever we could find that was fun at night. And we got to be there for the day of the dead which was interesting. It was a bit unfortunate that they have sort of changed some things to go with tourism, and celebrate Halloween the North American way, but not so much that the part of their customs was not completely lost in everything.
At the end of November, I started to work on physically getting rid of my relationship - you see, Russel and I had been living together since October 2011, and his stuff that he hadn't taken with him to Bangladesh was still overcrowding my apartment. My mom came over and we separated, sorted and packed. When all was said and done, I had a corner in my living room with stacked boxes of his left over belongings. And it sat there for two weeks while I adjusted to having more of my space back. Then on December 9th, the day after my 32nd birthday, I got a car and made two trips to a storage locker downtown. Only one thing of his remains in this apartment, and it will be the last thing I add to the locker when I get the chance.
But this is when it really hit. The moment I closed my apartment door behind me, after physically moving everything of his off site, by myself, I completely lost it. I had the realization that the relationship was really over. It was done. There was no going back after this. Part of me felt some freedom from this, and part of me felt like I had failed, yet again.
Overall, 2012 was a great year - these were just the high(low)lights. I reconnected with people from my past, and became closer with them, and I made more friends as I got to know more people at work. I appreciate everyone in my life, and I am truly grateful for having such a great support system around me. And I am also truly grateful for being part of others' support systems.
What does 2013 hold for me? Well, as I have stated in previous posts, I'm not one for new years resolutions. I like setting tangible goals, whether it be at the end of a calendar year, the end of a fiscal year, or just at random during the year. I would like to continue working on my emotional, mental and physical health and well being. And I would like to continue moving forward, and not lapsing into old habits. When I am ready to make some more tangible goals, I will. And you will hear about it.
So in the words of one of my favourite Scots, Rabbie Burns:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?
Happy New Year to you all.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Re-writing the Second Quarter
I've decided that I need to drop one of my goals for this quarter. I really enjoy swimming, and I would like to continue enjoying it. Right now, it feels more like a chore. So I am officially dropping it as of now.
In its place, I would like to focus on another "Hobby" goal (for lack of a better term because I really don't consider Reiki a hobby). I'm still trying to get up to doing Reiki twice a week. Meditation goes along well with it, plus it helps me focus my energy on positive things. So by June 30, 2012, I would like to be meditating once per week.
Don't worry. The gym, and my health are still on my mind. I'm not sitting at home doing nothing nearly as much as I was before. I get to the gym 2-3 times a week, and I still watch what I eat.
All right, challenge accepted! :)
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Quarterly Goals and Reports - First Quarter Report
Well it’s April 1! So that means yesterday was the last day of the first quarter of my challenge. And how did I do? Well, I’m eating the recommended daily allowance of fruits and vegetables, and I certainly notice when I go a day without. I’m cooking at home more as well, which helps with eating more fruits and veggies.
But (as you can see above) I failed at the other goal, at least partially. I regularly and consistently go to the gym, but not four times per week. I’m currently at two to three days per week, and for the time being, I am happy with that. The reason for that health goal was to lead a less sedentary life, and I have definitely succeeded in that.
And now on to the goals for my second quarter. I have decided to make a Health Goal (yes, again), and a Hobbies Goal.
Health Goal
By June 30, 2012, I would like to be swimming once a week. I was speaking with my dental hygienist yesterday (well as much as you can speak to one) and I was reminded that at one time I was a pretty good swimmer. So good, in fact, that I had gone up to the highest level in lessons before you would become a lifeguard. I stopped because at that point I was too young to become a lifeguard, and by the time I was old enough I was more interested in other things. It has been more than 15 years since I swam laps, so I need to keep that in mind while setting this goal. Swimming once a week could mean any number of laps, and any type of stroke, so I should set some parameters. In order to qualify as having gone swimming, I must do at least 5 laps, and I must do the front-stroke (properly, head in water), the backstroke, or the breaststroke (again, properly, head in water).
Swimming uses a whole other set of muscles and technique, so that is why I’m starting out small with 5 laps. And its still exercise!
Hobbies Goal
Some of you already know that I got my Reiki Level II last year. I haven't done much of anything with it. I'm not even using it for self-care either.
By June 30, 2012, I would like to be using this gift at least twice a week. Ideally, I'd like to be doing Reiki every day, but I just don't give myself the time for that right now. Hopefully by using Reiki a couple times a week, I will get more into a habit of using my talents daily. Only good things can come of it!
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