How We Met

Six months ago today (August 12, 2015), I walked into 12 Kings Pub with the intent of effortlessly pulling off the premier of my open mic night. Little did I know that my life was about to change in a very significant way.

I chatted a bit with the owner, Armin, and he showed me the lay of the land -- where the sound board was, where I had to switch cables to connect the sound board and output with the system in the Pub, etc. I got to work, and started plugging things in, and flipping switches, etc. and I couldn’t get my guitar to work. I called Armin over and asked if he could help me get it working, and he couldn’t. So I told him not to worry, I had a few friends who might be able to help.

I called one friend - no answer. I called another friend - no answer. My panic was setting in and my hopes and dreams of pulling off an effortless premier were fading fast. I was so determined to make sure this night went off without a hitch that I called someone I hadn’t ever met in real life yet.

I went out to a quieter spot in the Pub, and I dialed. And it rang. And I waited. And then I heard a confident yet tentative “Hello?” He answered! My first hurtle had been overcome.

I may have stuttered and laughed (I laugh when I’m nervous) as I fumbled over my words to explain who I was (he knew very well who I was), and I asked him what he was up to, and he said he was just finishing work. So I explained a little further that I was having some trouble getting my sound board to work at the open mic I had mentioned to him earlier, and he asked me to talk him through what I was doing. So I ran back to the sound board and tried to explain what I saw, which made no sense to him. So he said “I’ll be there in 15 minutes. Is that ok?” Of course it was ok! I answered an emphatic yes and thanked him a few times over in a way that reminds me of DJ Tanner saying “Thank you thank you thank you!” every time she got her way. He said he couldn’t stay long, just enough time to help me out, but then he had to be on his way.

Fifteen minutes later, in walks this handsome man with a confident strut that had my attention from the moment I saw it. Of course I recognized him from the photos he had sent me. I composed myself; I threw a quick smile to my friends Maggie and Mia, who were there to support me on my premier night, and walked over to him. I probably stuttered and laughed some more, and showed him where the sound board was. Armin joined us after a minute or so, and within seconds, he had it working again. They left me to continue setting up and get on with the show.

Chaz (that is the name of the mystery man) went over to the bar, ordered a beer, and sat far enough from the stage so that he could slip out when he had to get going, but close enough that I could still see him.

I started off my first set, and if I recall correctly, I started with an original that was Maggie’s favourite. I kept singing, and Chaz was still there. I’m sure it had been way past the “enough time to help me out” mark, but there he still was. Once I settled the next singer on stage (Greg Pun, another very good friend of mine and the other half of The Princess + The P), I went over and chatted. Since it didn’t appear he was leaving any time soon, I invited him to sit with my friends over near the stage. So there we sat, Chaz chatting with Doug, me chatting with Nona, and then Greg and I taking turns at sets and duets on stage.

At the end of the night, when I wrapped everything up, Chaz was still there. So just the two of us sat and talked for another hour or so until we saw it was after midnight and that we both had to work the next day. We went outside where I hailed a cab, and we parted ways.

Six months ago today (August 12, 2015), I met Chaz Barker. He is the most patient, smart, caring, kind, loving and supportive person I have ever met and I count myself to be so very lucky to have found him. He makes me laugh every day, and I feel like I can be my true self around him. He has changed my life in so many ways, and I am very much in love with him.

2014 In Review (or Elizabeth's Top 5 2014 Countdown!)

Ah, 2014...you came, you saw, but you didn't conquer this girl! I am going to keep this post as brief as possible and simply list my 5 biggest lessons from 2014:

5.  I can be fearless, when I want to be.

I tried surfing for the first time. Surfing! Me!! And I did not achieve even one pop-up in the water. But am I going to do it again?! Hell yeah! I will see you in Tofino in the (late) Spring!

4. I am happiest when I exercise regularly. 

Exercise is my biggest form of stress relief, so it still baffles me as to why I cannot get motivated enough to get to the gym regularly. Not only exercise, but self-care as a whole. When I make sure I sleep properly (i.e. not posting blogs at universe-knows-what-time, or staying up late to watch one more episode of whatever I'm currently binge-watching), when I eat whole, nutritious, non-processed foods more than processed, when I take time out for myself, and when I partake in activities that I wholly enjoy, I am my happiest me.

3. I am a feminist.

This used to feel like the F-word to me. I avoided talking about it because it would evoke such reactions from people that really surprised me. There is a lot of stereotype that comes along with the word feminist, or feminism, but plain and simple (at least the way I see it), I am a feminist. According to Merriam-Webster online, feminism is defined as the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. A feminist is a person who holds that belief. Well...that's me.

2. I'm not picky, I just refuse to settle.

I actually have to give my family and friends a whole lot of credit when it comes to the subject of love and relationships. I have seen and heard of friends getting pestered about giving their parents grandchildren, and being asked a zillion times about whether they are seeing anyone - my friends and family don't do that.

But on the subject of being single for those who are curious - I'm ok with it. It doesn't make me picky to want the things I want. I would rather be single than to be unhappy in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

1. Letting go creates a whole lot of space.

Think of it this way: when you go through your closet and get rid of all the clothes that don't fit or you don't wear, etc., there is so much space to put new things that fit you better for who you are now.

When you let go of all the people, places, things, attitudes, energies and emotions that no longer serve a purpose (and believe me, at one point or another, they all truly had a purpose in your life), you make a heck of a lot of room for the right things to enter your life. Letting go leads to opportunities, and helps you clear out a lot of physical, mental and emotional clutter. 

In the beautiful words of Alfred Tennyson: 

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 

Happy New Year, all.

New Experiences and Challenges - Why?

I was scrolling through some of the old blog posts I have (and I have more than I remember writing), and I noticed a bit of a trend. I like challenging myself.

I've always been like that. I've always wanted to be a step farther than I actually had the skill level for. Kind of like a "fake it 'til you make it" attitude. Eventually my body, mind, spirit or whatever would catch up. 

I thought about it a bit deeper - I like challenging myself and putting myself in other people's shoes so that I can feel more empathy. Nothing bothers me more than feeling like I'm not being understood. So the more things I experience, the more I can understand others, and open myself up to them.

My most recent challenge was to fast for one day. A friend of mine was fasting for Ramadan, and I asked about it, and why he did it. Part of his reasoning was spiritual in a sense, but mostly it seemed like it was about self-discipline and control. He asked if I wanted to try it with him, and I agreed, as long as it was a weekend. I also warned him that I can get cranky and a bit snappy when I'm dehydrated, and he seemed fine with this.

The night before the day I had chosen to fast, I made myself a regular dinner (chicken on a salad with lots of veggies), and drank a ton of water. I had this plan in my head that I would wake up before the sun came up so I could eat a quick meal and drink some water and a coffee. Then I would meditate or do yoga, and start my day.

Yeah...that didn't happen. I slept right through that alarm that was supposed to wake me up before sunrise. When I finally did wake up, it was already 6 a.m., the sun had been up for half an hour, and I was S.O.L. So I just turned my alarm back on for a later time, and went back to sleep. I got up at about 9 a.m. (because my body is weird and doesn't let me sleep too late - its been that way for the last couple years...friggin' aging), brushed my teeth, and decided to pass the time just chilling. 

This went well. Very well. If you do nothing, you don't feel hungry at all. Laziness for the win!

Then I got an email that caused me to kick it into overdrive a bit. My rent cheque had been stolen out of my landlord's car, and I had to put a stop payment on it and alert the other tenant in my building of this issue. So I got up, showered and got going.

First I called the bank to ask them about putting a stop payment on the cheque. They said it was actually easy enough for me to do on the mobile app, and cost half the price. And they walked me through it. The person I spoke with was a tad paranoid though, and said something that made me have to go running to the nearest branch that was open. By this time it was quarter to 2, and the nearest branch closed at 3. So I threw my face on and made a beeline to my bank. 

As a quick aside - For not eating or drinking any fluids, I felt I was sweating an awful lot. I was quite surprised. How can the body come up with all the fluids when they aren't being supplied or replenished?!

So I show up at the bank, sweat stains and all, and the teller tells me I have absolutely nothing to worry about and that I don't need to do anything further, and that the stop payment is all I need to do, so I'm good to go. Phew. 

I get home and my friend who I am fasting with picks me up, and we go to Caribbean Days in North Vancouver. It was so awesome!! It was difficult when we first arrived because we walked through the gate right into the food section. Everything smelt AMAZING. Quickly, we made our way out of the food section and into the part with the live entertainment. We danced, we chilled, we relaxed, danced some more, and just had a great time taking in the great bands that played while we were there. 

Then the entertainment ended at 7. Two hours before sunset!! Boo-urns!! We still had two hours to distract ourselves from eating or drinking. So what did we do? We made a plan about what we were going to do to break fast. Seriously, what is a better distraction from food, but to talk about it? ;0)

So over the course of the two hours, we chilled, talked, grabbed dinner, drove to a park and, when it was time (actually 5 minutes AFTER it was time) had a nice, quiet and peaceful breaking of our fast. Then we went for a walk and called it a night.

I can see how this would be very challenging to do for a whole month, especially during the summer months when the days are a lot longer, and a lot hotter. I didn't find the not eating part very challenging (thankfully no migraines that day). In my line of work, we sometimes forget to eat because we need to churn out that next project and move directly on to the next one (aaah, deadlines). But even during days like that, I have coffee (just one or two, daily) and water to sustain me. I found it extremely difficult to go without water for the whole day. Even when we were discussing what we would eat to break fast, I said many times "I don't care. I just want to drink water. LOTS. OF. WATER."

I would challenge myself to do this again. Maybe even the whole month, one day. But I think I would start with a weekend first, and then 5 days, and then a week. Gradually. Everything in moderation. And I like the idea of doing this every season, not just during one month of the lunar calendar.

Now on to my next challenge...if only I knew what that was. It'll come to me. They always do...

Onwards and upwards!! 

It's my bloggy and I'll blog if I want to!!

This one has been brewing a bit. I've pressed pause on this post a few times because I wanted to make sure I was writing it for the right reasons.

I came under some fire recently about the last blog post that I published. And truth be told, mentioning this will probably get me in trouble again. But this is my blog. 

I will write about my experiences. If you are a friend or family member then you understand and know that sometimes you might be involved in my life experiences in someway. I recently read an article on Facebook about what it means to be a musician. One of the quirks they assigned to us was that you sometimes have to face the fact that you might end up in a song (SO TRUE!!). We don't do it to hurt other people. Quite the opposite actually, at least for me. 

I write (music, blog posts, poetry, etc.) because I am trying to use the tools I have in my tool box to help myself heal, even the smallest of wounds. Writing for me is a way of expressing my feelings and thoughts. I'm not here to offend anyone. And if I do offend you, too bad. This is my blog. These are my thoughts and feelings. These are my experiences. If you get offended by the fairly innocuous and vague things I write about, then those are your feelings to deal with, and I hope you do deal with them. Those aren't my feelings.

You should know that I will not change (unless I truly feel the need to), and I really hope that you don't expect me to. I am ME. As with any of my friends, I don't expect you to change either. All I expect is mutual respect. I wrote about an experience. That experience (in a very small way, because I wrote about many general annoyances that were not directed towards anyone) involved you. And I wrote about it to get over it. I didn't say anything untrue.

Short, sweet and to the point. I'm officially over it. 

And here is a quick update further to the ACTUAL POINT of my last published blog post - I'm down 20 lbs. How did I do this? Well, I'm regularly active and I eat well. I also feel as if that was emotional weight I was carrying around. I'm doing exactly what is right for me. 

My Current Struggle and My Next Challenge

I feel as though I have always been "larger". Standing at nearly 5'11", I am the shortest (yeah, the SHORTEST) person in my immediate family. But that isn't the kind of larger I'm talking about. And hell, I love my height. I'm a glamazon, yo!

At the beginning of 2012, I looked down at the scale I was standing on, and was absolutely shocked at the weight I had let myself get to. It was the heaviest weight (known to me) that I had ever been. A switch flipped in my head, and I told myself I would never be that weight again. So far I have succeeded with that goal, but I'm still not happy. 

Over the course of the first 6-7 months of 2012, I lost 30 lbs. Then I just stopped being as motivated. Maybe it was partly personal issues, laziness...I don't know. I felt like life got in the way and I was just less motivated to do anything about anything. Over time I slowly gained back 10 of the 30 lbs I lost. No, that isn't that bad, when you look at the big picture, but it wasn't making me happy to be regressing.

Over the last few months, I've started and stopped going to the gym "regularly" numerous times. There was that week I didn't go because I was sick. Fair enough. Then there was that week that I wasn't sleeping properly. Okay, I can see how one might have low energy. Then there was that week where my body was just not having it because of "girl" reasons. Excuse after excuse, rationale after rationale, it seemed like so many things were getting in my way.

So I looked at it honestly, trying to figure out just what was keeping me away from the gym, and I'm still a bit stuck. This is where having a blog and friends who read it can help.

Issue No. 1

I WANT TO BE A MORNING PERSON!!! I wish I was, really I do. The other issues I will list below would be NULL AND VOID if only I could be a morning person. Then I could wake up every day at 5:30 am, go to the gym, have an awesome workout, go home, shower, and have an awesome day. I've done it before, and it is awesome. I love it! But doing it regularly and continuously just ain't happening. All I want to do is stay in bed until I absolutely have to get up. I have tried twice already this week to get up in the morning to get in my workout before work, and have failed twice. It is actually my preference to workout in the morning because that is when the gym is practically empty, and the members that ARE there have complete respect for one another. Such a different story when I go to the gym in the evening. Is there some sort of gym code I'm missing with respect to what sort of people attend later in the day?

Issue No. 2

I love music. And I cannot let myself put up any boundaries with respect to creating, writing, inventing, singing, thinking, living and breathing music. I actually do "research" when I'm at the gym. I'm currently learning about electronic music, specifically trance, which is my go to music to crank when I'm working out. So I listen to my favourite tracks, new ones, etc. and listen for the transitions, ideas, structure, everything. But when I get home from the gym in the evening, I'm tired, and I don't feel like sitting in front of my computer. And when I do feel like it, I get home late enough that "just 15 minutes" of reviewing something will turn into a couple hours or longer, and then I'm in bed too late to function properly at my job the next day. So now you can see how being a morning person would make this issue null and void. If I got my workout done in the morning, I'd be free right after work to create. And if I scheduled it properly, I'd be in bed in time for my morning workout the next day. And as an aside, you should hear what I'm doing...it is kick ass!! I can't wait to get it on SoundCloud for your listening pleasure!

Issue No. 3

The people at my gym really irk me. And its not just the gym I go to, its what I have encountered no matter where I have gone. Not the people in the morning (are you seeing the trend yet?), but the people I encounter on a regular basis in the evening. The ones who stare when they see me climbing the stairs up to the workout level. The ones who sit RIGHT in front of where I am working out, invading my personal workout space, and gossip loudly with their friends (because there are usually 2-3 of these, and its not just women - guys do it too) while they pretend to stretch and give me dirty looks as if I'm in THEIR way. The ones who are taking up precious workout space with their half-assed version of a workout while they constantly check their Facebook and text in-between reps. No, not SETS, REPS. As in 1, 2, 3, text, check Facebook, 4, 5, text, 6...text...text...text...check Facebook...realize they are in the middle of a set and quickly squeeze out a few more. Frack!!! So if I were a morning person, I wouldn't encounter these people. Most of the time I can shut them out pretty well, but on those days where I'm a little more sensitive than usual, their stares/comments/annoyances can get right in my head and distract me from my workout.

Issue No. 4

I love working out by myself. Unless it is a yoga class (and even then I love pulling out my Yoga Studio app on my iPad and just doing yoga by myself at home), I don't like going to the gym with friends. I don't want to chat when I workout. I want to get my sweat on, and work harder than I did the day before, which means I won't have the ability to speak with you. And I don't want to go for dinner or drinks afterwards because I'm as red as a beet, and want to just go home and eat my salad, please and thank you. The gym and working out are not social things for me. Its business. This may not seem like such a big deal, but I have a few friends who suggest we go to the gym together to work out. Then when we get there, they don't seem as into working out as they did before, or they are embarrassed to be seen with me, or they don't think I'm working hard enough so they reach over and turn the machine I am currently on up 5 levels, or... who knows. I don't do buddy systems at the gym. And yes, I can say no. I've said no many times before. Except you say no enough times, people stop asking all together and disappear. I know, we all have our own stuff going on, but don't get insulted just because I don't want to go to the gym with you. If you get insulted, it makes me feel bad. If I feel bad, I will emotionally eat. If I emotionally eat, I will feel bad. And emotionally eat. I love my friends. And I want to hang out with you. Just not at the gym.

Issue No. 5

I don't do lunch time workouts (unless its yoga). I only get 1 hour for lunch, and that is not enough time for a workout (the way I workout, which is about 45 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes) and a shower. I don't want to be sitting at my desk red as a beet and sweaty in my work clothes. Nope. Not gonna happen. And my job isn't as predictable as you'd think it is. Its funny how I can start each day with a list of what I want to accomplish, and then things just happen, and half my list gets pushed to the next day. But that is litigation, and its partly why I love it. So no, I will not be working out at lunch unless it is yoga.

The bottom line is this - I know exactly what I need to do to make my workouts at the gym more successful, but I am finding it very difficult to get there. I need help. Anyone who is reading this who has any suggestions on how I can be better at being a morning person and getting morning workouts into my schedule, please suggest away. I'm only looking at 3 days a week right now, just to get some sort of a routine going. I'll worry about making it 6 days a week later, once I've got 3 days a week under my skin and into my heart.

My Next Challenge

My unhappiness with where my body is at isn't just because of how often I exercise. My diet needs to change as well. For the most part, I eat fairly well. It is my emotional eating that causes me to fail to the point of sending myself into a downward spiral. Often.

So here is my challenge for May:

1.  I am not going to let my binge foods into the house. There are already none of them in here at the moment, and we are 20 minutes away from May 1st, y'all!

2.  During those moments where I feel the need to run down to the shop around the corner to pick up SOMETHING, I will stop, breathe, and figure out what is really going on. Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? Or am I feeling something and trying to bury it in fat and food instead of properly deal with it?

3.  I am going to write these feelings down. Writing is very cathartic, and can often serve in me helping myself. And if I can't help myself, I have it written down for the next time I reach out to a professional to help me.

4.  If I am out with friends, I will make the healthiest choice possible when it comes to the food I order (if at all, hopefully I'll eat at home beforehand), so that the "junk food seal" isn't broken.

I'm already feeling great about May. Lets see if I can start to get to the root of some of the issues that keep cropping up over and over again. 

Onwards and upwards!

E.

Juicing

In December of last year, I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" on Netflix. I loved it! The fact that Joe Cross decided to take his health completely into his own hands was ... well amazing, to say the least. And ballsy. He juiced for 60 days straight. At the time, it got me into one of those "I can totally do that!" moods. So I went out and bought a juicer. I got a Breville, and it was on sale, so why the heck not. And then it sat in the corner of my apartment for about 3 months before I decided to finally use it. I had other concerns and other projects on the go, so I was perfectly content waiting until I could really concentrate on juicing, and do it properly. 

So yesterday, February 21, 2014, I started a juice cleanse. The night before, I shopped for all the groceries I would need for the first couple days, knowing that my next chance to do some grocery shopping would be sometime today. On Friday morning, I got up early, showered, made myself a hot water (instead of a coffee), put on my make up, made myself another hot water, and got to juicing. I had to work that day, so I only made my breakfast juice, and made sure I brought my coconut water with me for my mid-morning snack. I had the "Sunrise", which consists of 4 carrots, 2 oranges and 1 beet. It was awesome! I loved it. And I didn't chug it, I drank it over probably 1-2 hours while working (and watching Canada beat the US in Olympic hockey). Then around 11 am, I had my coconut water for my mid-morning snack. By noon, I was starving. I kept trying to work through it, and get myself to 1 pm, but at 12:45 I said f*** this, I'm going home for lunch NOW.

When I got home, I got to juicing. I was starving. The juice couldn't come fast enough. For lunch I had "Green Lemonade", which is made of kale, cucumber, celery, spinach, green apple and lemon. It was delicious! While I sipped on my lunch, I made the juice for my afternoon snack, which was "Watermelon Crush". In it, I put watermelon, lime and basil. Did you know that it is difficult to peel a lemon, and extremely difficult to peel a lime? Especially when you're starving, and you just want to get the juice in your mouth NOW! 

Off I went back to work with my two bottles of juice in tow. I basically had them one after the other, because I didn't chug my lunch. I drank it over about an hour, and then it was time for my snack. I sipped that too. 

Then I had an appointment after work, and came home to make dinner. Dinner was "Joe's Mean Green" (pictured below), which is a lot like the Green Lemonade, except it contains less lemon and more ginger. The flavour of this one wasn't as great as the juices I had earlier in the day. After dinner, which I really had to choke down, I made my dessert juice, omitting the kale. I was kaled-out. I had had 3 drinks with kale it in already, I couldn't handle another. So instead of kale, I just doubled the watermelon. It was decent...not great. At the same time I had my dessert juice, I also drank an herbal tea, which is what was supposed to be saved for bed time. But I was nearly done for the day.

After I choked down what I could of the dessert juice, I couldn't help myself and had 1 small piece of dark chocolate. I know, not on the cleanse menu, but it was 1 square. Then I finished my herbal tea and headed to bed. It wasn't even 10:30 pm, but I was done. 

At about 6:30 am, I was awoken by what felt like someone throwing a pillow at me. Obviously, no one did, it just felt like it - you know, your body just wakes you up all at once. I was miserable. I had a migraine, so I got up and drank a glass of water, hoping it would curb it. No. Fifteen minutes later it was worse, so I got up, ate a breakfast bar, and took an Advil (because you can't take those on an empty stomach - its useless and definitely not good for you). Then I made myself my "homemade hangover cure" (its really just homemade electrolyte juice - a couple shakes of salt, 1/3 of the glass of your favourite juice (mine is cranberry) and fill the rest up with water), took a few sips and went back to bed to rid myself of the migraine. And it worked! Yeah, I was dehydrated. I mean...no wonder. I was drinking juice and water all day the day before, and visiting the little girls room frequently, so I was dehydrated. After a nice couple more hours in bed, I got up and decided no more juicing. At least no more meal-replacement juicing.

I love the fact that I can get a day's worth of vegetable and fruit servings in 1-2 juices (2 if you want to be really well rounded and get every colour of the rainbow), so I won't stop juicing all together.  But I'll just add it to an already fairly healthy meal plan. And I found a brand of coconut water that I can stomach. I love having coconut water after a workout, while I make breakfast or dinner.

I am a bit disappointed that I didn't at LEAST go three days, but I am not going to harm myself for something. And as we all know, things are best in moderation. However, I give kudos to those I know (and those I don't) who are able to stick with it for more than 1 day. As long as it works for you, do it.

Onwards and upwards!

Yoga

Throughout my years of doing yoga on and off, I have asked myself countless times if I am either a) too fat to do yoga and/or b) too tall/long to do yoga. I'm not being self-deprecating at all; I'm completely serious. When I do a forward fold (seated or standing), my stomach feels like it is in the way, and I can't stretch as far as my body feels like it could go. And when I'm in runners lunge, it is hella awkward to keep my hands on the ground in front of me while moving my forward leg back to plank because my knee is already above my elbow and just below my chin. These are actual concerns!

I recently re-started doing yoga in the comfort of my own home (because this princess would rather stay warm at home than brave the "cold" for the 3 minute walk to the gym) with a great app that I got for free from Starbucks. It is called Yoga Studio, and it has 15 minute, 30 minute and 60 minute classes for download. There are 3 levels (Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced) and each level has 5 categories: Relaxation, Flexibility, Strength, Balance and Combination. 

I started by trying a 15 minute Beginner Relaxation class before bed one Sunday evening and I felt so relaxed afterwards. The next night, I tried a 30 minute Beginner Combination. This was a bit more the pace I was looking for to feel like I've had a lazy workout. The next morning I tried a 60 minute Beginner Combination class, and I had found something that was beginner enough so I wouldn't feel intimidated by most of the poses and challenging enough to let me really focus on areas that I wanted to improve on. 

So far, I've done this class 4 times. After the 3rd time I was feeling pretty confident, so I downloaded a 30 minute Intermediate Combination Class. I completed it, but just barely. So I did the 60 minute Beginner Combination Class again and saw a huge difference from the first time I tried it. I was making some progress!

And all because of a little discipline and repetition. Unfathomable... ;0) My stomach isn't going to disappear overnight, so my forward folds still feel chunky; however I've smoothly transitioned from runners lunge to plank without feeling like I'm going to knock myself over with a knee to the elbow or chin.

Here is me doing beginner King of Dancer (Natarajasana I).

As my boss likes to say, onwards and upwards!

Me Again!

I managed not to post a darn thing in 2013. That's something, right? Right?! No? *sigh* Fine. I'm taking my ball and I'm going home.

My ramblings are far too often trapped in my head with no way out, except to write it here. So why don't I? I guess life gets in the way? Work is busy, I'm trying to work out either before work (my preference, even though I am SOOOOOO not a morning person) or after, I have 3 projects on the go - so much stuff!

I've been reading some of my older posts, and wow...I am really all over the place. Not in a bad way at all. I'm just stating an observation.

A friend of mine didn't quite chastise me for not keeping up with my blog (and he is a new-er friend, so who knows if he is even reading this - I dare you to leave a comment if you are...) by saying "Well, if you really wanted to, you would. Just saying." I responded with "I know, I just don't know if I'm writing anything interesting that people actually want to read."

He replied by reminding me that its my blog, not anyone else's, so why should I care about whether anyone is reading it? I get it. But at the same time it is a form of communication so I do care a bit if people are reading it. Do I want a pat on the back, or a gold star? Maybe a little. But the main point is I want to be understood. 

I don't feel like I've ever been truly understood by most people - I won't say all. Or, maybe if they did understand me, or "get" me, they didn't do something that I recognized as their understanding me or my actions. Ya feel me?

:0)

2012 In Review

Well, here we are at the end of another year, and it hasn't been what I expected at all.  I started the year extremely determined in one aspect, and got blind-sided in another.

January 2012

On January 2, 2012, I went to the gym, got on the scale, and nearly shit my pants.  I weighed 301.5 lbs.  Yup...this is the first time I'm going public with my actual weight.  I saw that number, and I couldn't believe what I had done to myself.  How did I get that far gone?  And how was I going to turn that around?  I went home, turned my computer on, and signed up for Weight Watchers Online.  I was going to get the first three months free, so what did I have to lose?  Well...pounds.  That is what I had to lose.  And I certainly didn't mind losing those.  I had heard that the program changed since the last time I tried it: most vegetables and fruits were now zero points, which I thought was ridiculously wonderful.  The part I hated the most about the old program was literally having a cookie and an apple before me and trying to decide which I wanted more - both were two points, but I felt as though I would get more emotional satisfaction from the cookie.  With most fruits and vegetables being zero points, the new Weight Watchers program is promoting a healthier way of looking at food.  Eat all the fruits and vegetables you want!  It took a bit to incorporate those more into my lifestyle, as I was always eating on the go and not taking the time to properly prepare my food.  But stopping and really looking at the nutritional information, and making more informed choices about what I put in my body is what I needed to do.  I came to the realization quickly that my former personal trainer, Nick, was right.  Dinner could be a salad and a chicken breast, and I would be full.  I remember whining to him that I knew it wouldn't satisfy me and that I would be hungry.  Yah, well, I'm eating a huge slice of humble pie now.  Nick, hopefully you are reading this.  You were right.  And you were awesome at your job.  And I miss sparring with you.

So how has the year on Weight Watchers turned out?  Well, I'm human.  There are ups and downs.  The most I have lost is 35 lbs so far, but I have gained a bit of it back.  Not much, only about 6 or 7 lbs.  And I am not going to make myself feel bad about the ups and downs anymore.  Weight fluctuates, and I am no where near being finished with this journey.  It is going to take more time for me to eventually reach my ideal weight, and I am more than willing and ready to continue with that goal.  I am also dealing with my relationship with food.  I am SO an emotional eater, including boredom, and I need to really get to the root of that.  That is what 2013 is for.

February 2012

This was the start of why 2012 was not what I expected it to be.  I was in a long term relationship, happy, and looking forward to the plans him and I were making.  I knew he had a trip coming up (we had started talking about it in December 2011), but I really didn't know (or maybe wasn't reading the signs clearly) that it would turn out the way it did.  I understood that he had family obligations in Bangladesh.  I also explained to him that I had been involved in a long distance relationship before, and had also seen other friends go through long distance relationships, and it really wasn't something I felt I was strong enough to do.  I didn't want to be in a long distance relationship again.  It started out that it would only be about a month, 2 max, that he would have to travel abroad, and I was okay with that length of time.  A week before he left, it changed, and it was going to be 3 months max that he would be gone.  When you look at the grand scheme of things, 3 months is really just a drop in the hat of life, so I was okay with that length of time too.  On February 10, 2012, Russel flew to Bangladesh.  The first week he was gone, I just kept telling myself, "Three months, its only three months."  A couple weeks after he landed, he told me that he would probably be over there for 4 months.

And the story just kept changing.  Well, after he was finished his 4 months in Bangladesh, he told me that he would have to go somewhere else in order to see his family.  And then he would come back to Vancouver.  Three months passed, and he still wasn't even close to being done in Bangladesh.  In fact, he is still there now, and it has been nearly 11 months.  The relationship had to end at some point, and I actually surprised myself at how patient I was with what felt like lies that he was feeding me.  But we'll get to that later.

March - April 2012

These were fairly uneventful months.  I still missed Russel, and I was still trying to be patient.  But I was busy with work, and with after work projects, such as the in-house band, All Hell Breaking Loose.  We prepared for and pulled off an awesome gig in April at District 319 for the Law Firm Alliance.  It was fun, I felt like a total rock-star, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it!

My family also had a party for my grandmother's 90th birthday.  Ninety years old, is my grandmother!!  Can you believe it?  If you are on my Facebook, then you saw her in the picture from Christmas Day.  She doesn't look her age at all!!  I cannot wait to be as gorgeous as she is at that age. :-)  And as full of life!

May 2012

I went to Calgary for the May long weekend to see my two good friends, Mel and Jared.  Out of that trip came one of THE funniest moments (to me) of the year:

*I'm sitting on the couch, putting my make up on, and Jared is antsy to get out the door*
Jared:  Why are you making duck face to yourself in the mirror?
Mel:  Its not duck face, that is mascara face.

True fact.  We, as girls, make the weirdest faces at ourselves when we are putting on our mascara.  And we can't help it, our face just naturally does it.

June - July 2012

I went to Europe!!!  And it was awesome!  I got to see my best friend Tiana, and meet all the people that are in her life!  As much as I miss her being here, it made me feel better knowing she was surrounded by great friends out there too.  And with technology today, we can Skype and FaceTime, and WhatsApp, etc.

SO!!  On June 29th, I flew to London, landing midday on June 30th.  Tiana met me at Heathrow, and we took the train back to Camden, where she lives.  Instead of napping, I just had a quick shower and got changed so we could go have a couple drinks and eat some dinner.  After dinner we went back to her flat and packed, because we were heading to Portugal in the morning.  Oh wow, these cheap flights from city to city in Europe are great, except for the fact that you need to be REALLY choosy about what you can bring. We checked one bag and then carried on the rest.  I had no leg room, and no assigned seating, so thankfully I found an aisle seat so I could stretch my left leg out.  And even then it was intermittent because the flight attendants were going up and down the aisles constantly.  Thankfully it was just a short flight.

From the 1st to the 5th of July, we were in Albufeira, which is a coastal town in The Algarve.  It was beautiful.  We beached, shopped, toured, drank (a lot), and just enjoyed spending vacation time with each other in a gorgeous setting.  I would definitely go again, but next time I think I would like to see Lisbon.

So we flew back to London, had a dinner at a risque club on the 6th, and then spent July 7th and 8th at the Hyde Park Wireless Music Fest.  The line up of artists was awesome, and the bit of rain we had didn't get us down.  We just had fun!  Then on the 9th, I did a bit of touring on my own, and flew back home on July 10th.  Definitely one of the highlights of my year was travelling to Europe, and I am looking forward to exploring more parts of Europe in the future!

August 2012

Well, the sobering part of my trip was that I really got to get out of my comfort zone, which helps me focus on what is and what isn't working in my life.  And my relationship with Russel just wasn't working long distance.  So on August 1st, I sat down at my computer and wrote him an email explaining why I wasn't happy in the relationship, and that I wasn't strong enough to continue in a long distance relationship because I wasn't getting what I needed from him, nor was I in any emotional, mental or physical capacity to be able to give him what he needed.

September - December 2012

The months following my break up were mostly filled with whatever I could find to distract me.  I was trying to go to the gym more, getting a whole lot more social with my friends, and just letting myself be who I was in the moment.

Part of these distractions was a trip to Mexico with my other best friend, Chris.  We went down to Puerto Vallarta from October 27th to November 3rd, and had a(nother) real vacation.  Both of us had been to that particular resort before, so we were able to really let loose.  Pool side / beach side during the day, and whatever we could find that was fun at night.  And we got to be there for the day of the dead which was interesting.  It was a bit unfortunate that they have sort of changed some things to go with tourism, and celebrate Halloween the North American way, but not so much that the part of their customs was not completely lost in everything.

At the end of November, I started to work on physically getting rid of my relationship - you see, Russel and I had been living together since October 2011, and his stuff that he hadn't taken with him to Bangladesh was still overcrowding my apartment.  My mom came over and we separated, sorted and packed.  When all was said and done, I had a corner in my living room with stacked boxes of his left over belongings.  And it sat there for two weeks while I adjusted to having more of my space back.  Then on December 9th, the day after my 32nd birthday, I got a car and made two trips to a storage locker downtown.  Only one thing of his remains in this apartment, and it will be the last thing I add to the locker when I get the chance.

But this is when it really hit.  The moment I closed my apartment door behind me, after physically moving everything of his off site, by myself, I completely lost it.  I had the realization that the relationship was really over.  It was done.  There was no going back after this.  Part of me felt some freedom from this, and part of me felt like I had failed, yet again.

Overall, 2012 was a great year - these were just the high(low)lights.  I reconnected with people from my past, and became closer with them, and I made more friends as I got to know more people at work.  I appreciate everyone in my life, and I am truly grateful for having such a great support system around me.  And I am also truly grateful for being part of others' support systems.

What does 2013 hold for me?  Well, as I have stated in previous posts, I'm not one for new years resolutions.  I like setting tangible goals, whether it be at the end of a calendar year, the end of a fiscal year, or just at random during the year.  I would like to continue working on my emotional, mental and physical health and well being.  And I would like to continue moving forward, and not lapsing into old habits.  When I am ready to make some more tangible goals, I will.  And you will hear about it.

So in the words of one of my favourite Scots, Rabbie Burns:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

Happy New Year to you all.

Re-writing the Second Quarter

I've decided that I need to drop one of my goals for this quarter.  I really enjoy swimming, and I would like to continue enjoying it.  Right now, it feels more like a chore.  So I am officially dropping it as of now.

In its place, I would like to focus on another "Hobby" goal (for lack of a better term because I really don't consider Reiki a hobby).  I'm still trying to get up to doing Reiki twice a week.  Meditation goes along well with it, plus it helps me focus my energy on positive things.  So by June 30, 2012, I would like to be meditating once per week.  

Don't worry.  The gym, and my health are still on my mind.  I'm not sitting at home doing nothing nearly as much as I was before.  I get to the gym 2-3 times a week, and I still watch what I eat.

All right, challenge accepted! :)

E.

Quarterly Goals and Reports - First Quarter Report

Well it’s April 1!  So that means yesterday was the last day of the first quarter of my challenge.  And how did I do?  Well, I’m eating the recommended daily allowance of fruits and vegetables, and I certainly notice when I go a day without.  I’m cooking at home more as well, which helps with eating more fruits and veggies.

But (as you can see above) I failed at the other goal, at least partially.  I regularly and consistently go to the gym, but not four times per week.  I’m currently at two to three days per week, and for the time being, I am happy with that.  The reason for that health goal was to lead a less sedentary life, and I have definitely succeeded in that.

And now on to the goals for my second quarter.  I have decided to make a Health Goal (yes, again), and a Hobbies Goal.

Health Goal

By June 30, 2012, I would like to be swimming once a week.  I was speaking with my dental hygienist yesterday (well as much as you can speak to one) and I was reminded that at one time I was a pretty good swimmer.  So good, in fact, that I had gone up to the highest level in lessons before you would become a lifeguard.  I stopped because at that point I was too young to become a lifeguard, and by the time I was old enough I was more interested in other things.  It has been more than 15 years since I swam laps, so I need to keep that in mind while setting this goal.  Swimming once a week could mean any number of laps, and any type of stroke, so I should set some parameters.  In order to qualify as having gone swimming, I must do at least 5 laps, and I must do the front-stroke (properly, head in water), the backstroke, or the breaststroke (again, properly, head in water).

Swimming uses a whole other set of muscles and technique, so that is why I’m starting out small with 5 laps.  And its still exercise!

Hobbies Goal

Some of you already know that I got my Reiki Level II last year.  I haven't done much of anything with it.  I'm not even using it for self-care either.

By June 30, 2012, I would like to be using this gift at least twice a week.  Ideally, I'd like to be doing Reiki every day, but I just don't give myself the time for that right now.  Hopefully by using Reiki a couple times a week, I will get more into a habit of using my talents daily.  Only good things can come of it!

Quarterly Goals and Reports - The First Chapter

Here they are, my First Quarterly Goals!  I have decided that for the first 3 months of 2012, I would like to focus on 2 Health goals.

Health Goal No. 1

By March 31, 2012, I would like to be going to the gym 4 days a week on a regular and consistent basis.  My plan to get there is to start small and gradually work up to it.  It is not about inches; it is not about pounds.  It is about the fact that I currently lead a very sedentary lifestyle.  I work a desk job (even though I am not sitting all day, there is still the threat of gaining a secretary's ass), and as soon as I get home, all I want to do (and end up doing) is sitting in front of the television until its time to peel myself off the couch and go to bed.

I also think that getting active, even if its just walking on a treadmill for half an hour, is a good stepping stone and basis to gradually making lifestyle changes.  I used to work out on a regular basis and even had a trainer, and the energy I got from working out was awesome, and made me WANT to eat healthier.

Health Goal No. 2

I want to incorporate more fresh fruits and vegetables into my poor diet.  I eat little to no fruits and vegetables on a daily basis, so by March 31, 2012, I would like to be consistently eating the recommended 7-8 servings of fruits and vegetables on a daily basis.

One of the biggest issues I know I will encounter in this goal is that I can be picky.  I absolutely hate bananas, even though once in a while I crave them.  The easiest fruits to eat, meaning the most portable and easiest to prepare, are my least favourite.  But its not about eating what suits my mood - its about making lifestyle changes.

Well, there they are, laid out in front of me.  Challenge accepted.

Aack!!

Well…I certainly am not the greatest blogger, now am I? Leaving you all hanging for 5 months – shame on me!

Given this fact and the fact that I don’t make resolutions at the beginning of each year, I’m going to try something new. Something that will hopefully still hold me accountable to myself and the people who love me. I am going to start quarterly goals and reports. I’ll still blog when interesting things happen (please, no more birds in my apartment though), and I’ll make goals every three months and check in to see where I am at with those goals.

BUT! (and this is what I am hoping will keep me successful at my goals) I am only going to make a goal for each quarter at the beginning of that particular quarter. I am not going to try and make all my goals for the year right now.


The Rules:

1. Be realistic. Don’t set yourself up for automatic failure by setting goals that are unattainable in the timeframe of 3 months.

2. Try. Don’t give up after a week.

3. Set a goal for 2 life categories (for lack of a better word): Health, Relationships, Hobbies, or Finances.

4. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Oh, there will be bumps and blips in the road ahead, but if you give yourself permission to make the odd mistake, you’re better off than riddling yourself with guilt every time.

5. Your goal must be set by the beginning of each quarter and met by the end of each quarter, with a grace period of 3 days on either end.

First Quarter – January 1, 2012 – March 31, 2012
Second Quarter – April 1, 2012 – June 30, 2012
Third Quarter – July 1, 2012 – September 30, 2012
Fourth Quarter – October 1, 2012 – December 31, 2012

Now, on to setting some goals for the first quarter.

Soooo...a bird flew into my apartment.

So yesterday after work, I decided I just wanted a chill night after such a busy weekend with friends from out of town being here. I told my bf to vamoose and that I would see him today, and he did. So I'm chillin', watching Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny (I PVRed it a couple weeks ago), I have my patio door open (no screens because a former tenant took them at some point before I moved in), and suddenly this bird kamikazes into my apartment, straight into the wall in my kitchen. Thud. No movement.

I'm sitting there in utter shock and disbelief. I know exactly where it has landed on my pantry/shelf. I call Russel (the boyfriend) and tell him there is a bird in my apartment. He doesn't understand what I'm saying at first, and then I say it again. There. Is. A. Bird. In. My. Apartment. He says he'll be right there. Ten minutes later, the bird comes too, and there is some flapping and then stillness and still no Russel, so I call my parents.

First my mom can't stop laughing as I am in hysterics about this bird. My sister is in the background saying "Charge it rent, that'll get him out", and my dad is trying to tell me how to deal with it. So my dad gets on the phone and tells me to put on sunglasses and a hat so that it can't peck my eyes out and won't get tangled in my hair. I'm telling him there is no way I am going near that thing because I am absolutely certain it will attack me. Finally, another 15 minutes passes and Russel gets there - turns out he had been long-boarding in Stanley Park and he got there as fast as he could. He's giggling a bit as he sees me waiting in my hallway. So I let him in, and tell him where the bird is. Then I stand in my hallway and watch as he turns on all the lights and he sees a little finch sitting there, among my canned goods. He slowly reaches for it, and it goes beserk, sending it up towards the ceiling in my direction. So I run into the bathroom shrieking and close the door. As I'm in there, I hear rustling and my venetian blinds moving and then I hear water running, so I go out. Russel has the bird in his hand (he wrapped a plastic bag around his hand first), and he's letting it drink water. Then he took it out the balcony and set it free.And that was my supposed-to-be-uneventful Tuesday night.

20

If you could only have one thing to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?  Pizza, as long as I could change the toppings daily to suit my cravings.

Where is the furthest place from home that you've travelled to?  I googled it - Rio de Janeiro is only 508.86 km farther away from Vancouver than Tel Aviv is.  So Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. :-D

What is your favourite sound?  The sound of his hands wrapping around my waist.

List three things in the nearest proximity to you right now.  A phone, a computer and a mirror.

What are the first three things you would do after finding out you won the lottery?  I would pay off the rest of my credit line, give my family money, buy land in 3 different countries to develop my homes/vacation homes, and develop said homes.

What was the last thing someone said to you that you'll remember forever?  "I love you"

Do you wish upon a star?  I haven't in a long time...maybe I'll start again!

What is your favourite day of the week?  Saturday

What is/was your favourite 80s sitcom?  Golden Girls

Do you think moustaches are sexy?  Nope.  Not at all.

Do you like talking raunchy, or being spoken to in a raunchy manner during sex?  This question is kind of out of left field.  The answer is no.

What do you find the most disgusting?  Questions like the one above!!  Kidding, I'm not THAT much of a prude.  I find a lot of things disgusting...

If you could have anything, absolutely anything right now, what would it be?  $3,567,230.25, tax free.

What are your three favourite smells?  Vanilla, fresh cut grass, the smell of coffee brewing while I'm still under the covers half asleep.  I know my answers are pretty pedestrian.  You're welcome.

If you could push one person off the edge of a cliff, and get away with it, would you do it?  Noooooo!!

If so, who would it be?  TOTALLY not going there!!!!

Have you heard any rumours about me lately (Alli Bell, Linds Carstens)?  Yes, I've heard you're both pregnant. (kidding)

Can we get together and make a cake?  Why the hell not?!

Have we kissed each other?  Yes, I've probably given you both a peck on the cheek at one time or another.

Have you ever snooped around someone else's house?  Yes, but not much.  I like looking at family photos that are all on display.

Can you curl your tongue?  Yes!!

This time, its gonna be different!!!

In September 2009, I completed a 30 day fitness challenge.  I didn't work out for 30 days straight, but I did pretty good and probably only missed a few days.  On the last day I finished the challenge with a rigorous work out with my trainer, in which we did some kick boxing (one of my favourite cardio activities).  Soon after that day, I couldn't walk properly; I had pulled my SI-joint (its hyper-mobile).  I'm still going to physio for it a year and a half later, but have returned to the gym (a few times...) since then.

There seem to be too many of these starts and stops though.  Why do I get all gung-ho about it for a few weeks and then just quit?  Is it all excuses, or are some of these reasons valid?  I feel like I've ALWAYS been like this...is it normal?  How do some people develop great will-power and motivation, and others don't?

This time its different.  This time I feel like I've got not only the physical motivation to get moving, but also the mental and emotional.  I've seen the benefit of exercising regularly and eating well - you start feeling like a super star, you have more energy, you sleep better, your clothes fit better, and ... other aspects seem to improve as well. ;-)

I'm ready to quit being a self-centered, un-motivated brat with no will power, and start being a self-centered, MOTIVATED brat WITH will power!  I work full time and a second job 3 evenings a week, so scheduling is going to be difficult until my body is used to the routine.  Some people are going to try to convince me to go out with them in the middle of the week.  Please don't get me wrong, I love spending time with each and every one of you (and you know who you are), but the lifestyle I am currently living is not conducive to a good and healthy body, outlook, attitude and life.  So until I get my body used to all the changes, I am going to be hiding under a rock for a while, sometimes even on weekends.

Last week I went to bed at 11pm almost every night, which is early in my world.  But I woke up feeling like I actually slept (except for nights where I have sleep-stared, but that's a whole other story, and I'll save that for another post).  I LIKE feeling like that in the morning!!

I'm not completely naive.  I know I'm not going to change all my bad habits overnight.  Baby steps!  But those baby steps are going to start with a couple morning work-outs per week.  My gym is 2 minutes (LITERALLY) from my house, so I can stumble out of bed, brush my teeth, put a hat over my bed head, and get moving!

I want to start running eventually.  I've tried to before, and I got all the way up to running for 5 minutes without stopping (I know, to most of you that doesn't seem like much, but to me, it felt like I had conquered a HUGE hurtle).  I did a 5K walk/run in 45 minutes in December 2009 - that was fun!

This week's plan:

• Walk for 45 minutes on at least 2 of my lunch breaks;
•  Go to the gym before work at least once; and
•  Cut out coffee after 1:00pm.

Three challenges for 1 week, and they seem quite reasonable.  Lets see how many of them I can check off as of next week's post.

This'll be a nice, refreshing, tall glass of lemonade...

We all know the old adage.  When life hands you lemons you look at life, look down at the lemons, look at life again, look down at the lemons and look and life and say "Seriously?!"  Then you pull up your boot straps, take out your juicer and have at 'er!

 The past little bit has been a little rough and tumultuous, but thankfully I have had some really great people by my side through it.  And they remind me every day that I have made the right decision.  I quit one of my jobs.  I don't want to get into details because I am not really a fan of bashing in any form, and especially via the Internet.

 I have been at my new full time position for just over a month now, and its awesome.  The professionalism is by far the best I've encountered.  There are no cliques, everyone does the work they are asked un-begrudgingly.  There has been a little bit of a learning curve, but thankfully (so far) not much of one.  I've been doing this for 10 years so all there is to really learn is just how this business does things versus the way others did it.

And I feel another challenge coming on...

That square peg just isn't going to fit into that round hole, so get over it!

Do you ever feel like some people have a driving need to label?  I know, I'm probably guilty of this from time to time as well.  But some people seem to be more comfortable being able to put you in a little box, package you up all nice and pretty like and tagging you with a label...forever.  And then from that nice little label they have given you, they like to make all sorts of assumptions and predictions, and treat you in an unfair manner.

Let me just say to those who have a need to do this - get out of your head!!  Your assumptions are probably wrong!  Stop reading between the lines and start taking people for the words that actually come out of their mouth!

I feel like this is something that has been overshadowing my whole life.  I sometimes feel like its rare that I know someone who actually gets me, who takes the time to figure out how I tick and doesn't judge me for it.  And I thank the Universe every day for those people.  I recently worked in a position where for the whole time I was there, not one person really took the time to know ME.  It bothers me because I am not someone to just put everything out there for people to see (although I blog...hmmm...), and left and right I see people making snap judgments about me without really ever questioning whether their judgments are right or too harsh.  And most of the time these judgments, in my humble opinion, fall into the category of being completely wrong.

This also happens when I start talking about my music.  I often get asked what sort of music I write.  I have a really hard time answering that question, so I usually sound somewhat flakey with my answer of "Well, you know, man, its like folky-alternative-rockish kinda music...sorta like Sarah McLachlan, Jewel and Alanis Morrisette, but nothing like them...you know?"  *shakes head*  Freakin' hippy.  (Yes, I am referring to myself that way)  I have ALWAYS said that my first album is going to be quite a mix of everything from rock, pop, alternative, opera, bhangra and other world music.  I like everything, I think I have the range to do everything, so why the hell can't I do everything?  Why do I need to pick a genre and stick with just that??

Life is fluidity.  People are fluid.  People are always changing.  Stop with the snap judgments.  I am an onion.  I reveal myself one layer at a time.  If you don't want to have the patience to peel back the layers, then just don't bother starting.

Lets all be onions.

Gawd, someone let the hippy into the room again...

Heh...first post of 2011, and its March...

I'm sorry.  I'm not going to even make excuses.  I am in the midst of some changes, so I will get back to hopefully posting somewhat regularly again.  So many things!!!!!

E.

WMOC - Day 11-14, and beyond.

The following is a daily log I have kept of my thoughts and feelings on the attempt to wean myself off caffeine.

Day 11 – September 23, 2010

I cracked. I had 2 coffees this morning. I have completely rationalized it in my head and feel it is completely warranted. So there.

Day 12 – September 24, 2010

YAY!!! ITS FRIDAY!!!! I’m still not sure how to take this to the next level…maybe I need to just go cold turkey. I just don’t want to suffer worse headaches than I already do. I like having a sense of normalcy, where I know exactly how I will feel given any circumstances under my own control.

Day 13 – September 25, 2010

I slept until noon and didn’t have any coffee. Then I didn’t think twice though and had diet pepsi with dinner (I was out to dinner with the family for my sister’s birthday). I’m kind of disappointed because I was all proud that I didn’t have a coffee when I woke up.

Day 14 – September 26, 2010

Slept until 11ish, and went to Starbucks as soon as I was showered and dressed. It was awesome.

All right. Its been 2 weeks, and I’m not feeling as though I can give up on caffeine all together just yet. I’ve at least come down from having 2 cups of coffee per day to 1 cup of coffee per day. I’m fairly aware of my caffeine consumption. I’m finding other tricks to help with my energy (an apple first thing in the morning does wonders!!) So do I continue and try to completely get myself off caffeine? I enjoy the taste of coffee. And I have friends who have told me in no uncertain terms that they would have to consider our relationship if I were to be completely off caffeine because they would question my sanity.

I’m also kind of bored writing about this daily. Its putting me to sleep. Time for another coffee!!!!